Respect at AU

Bystander action

How to step in safely when you see disrespect, and what to do if someone tells you what happened to them.

AU students sitting around an outdoor bench - City East Campus

Small actions have a big impact

You know disrespect when you see it. But in the moment, particularly when other people are around, it's easy to assume someone else will step in, or not know how.

When disrespect goes unchallenged it looks normal, which is a driver of gender-based violence. But every time you step in, the norm shifts. The 4Ds are four practical ways to do it.

Your personal safety always comes first. There's no hierarchy to the 4Ds – choose the action you feel comfortable with.

Direct

Speak to the people involved.

Ask the person being targeted if they're OK. Be guided by them.
Only speak to the person behaving badly if you feel safe – otherwise ask for help.
Uncomfortable in the moment? Speak to them privately afterwards.

Distract

Interrupt the behaviour without addressing it directly.

Start talking to the person being targeted, invite them to come and get a drink, or suggest the whole group heads somewhere else.
Check they feel safe afterwards – sit with them while they call someone or help them book a ride home.

Delegate

You won't always feel safe to step in yourself. It's OK to find someone with more authority.

Tell them what you saw or heard, and ask them to step in.
Who to ask depends on where you are: campus security (get the SafeZone app), police, venue or accommodation staff, or your tutor.

Document

Note down what happened and consider reporting it to the University.

A record of when and where it happened can help if the person targeted reports it later.
Screenshot your lock screen for a timestamp, and write down what you saw.
Ask the person targeted what they'd like done with your record, and respect their privacy.

Ways to challenge disrespectful behaviour

Call out sexist language: "Hey, that's not OK" or "We don't speak like that about women".
Don't laugh at sexist jokes: "I don't get it" or "I don't find that funny".
Ask them to clarify: "What do you mean by that?"
Name the impact on you: "I know you mean it as a joke, but it makes me uncomfortable".
On a night out, if someone is getting unwanted attention, focus on them rather than the person giving it: "Hey, I've been looking for you" or "Do you want to come with us?" Getting them out of the situation is safer than confronting anyone.

If you missed the moment

Maybe you felt overwhelmed, weren't sure what to do or only realised later that the behaviour wasn't OK. That's common and it isn't too late to act.

Check in with the person afterwards:

Tell them you saw what happened and that it wasn't OK.
Ask if they're OK.
Ask if there's any way you can support them.

Then think about what you'd do differently next time. Having a plan makes it much easier to step in.

You can also make a bystander report to the Safer Community Unit.

If someone tells you what happened

Someone may tell you they've experienced gender-based violence. It could be a friend, a housemate or someone in your tutorial. How you respond makes a difference to what they do next.

Respect at AU workshops teach four steps for responding: listen, believe, support, refer. You don't have to have the answers, and it isn't your job to investigate.

Listen

Find somewhere private if you can. Let them lead. You don't need to fill the silences, and you don't need to ask for detail.

"I'm here. Take as long as you need."

Believe

Being believed is what people say helped them most. Avoid questions that sound like blame – what they were wearing, drinking or doing there.

"Thank you for telling me. I believe you. This isn't your fault."

Support

Ask what they need rather than deciding for them. The decisions are theirs, including whether to report.

"What would help right now? I can stay with you, or come with you."

Refer

Point them to counselling (including specialist gender-based violence counsellors), the Safer Community Unit or a crisis service. Offer to make first contact together. They can get support without reporting, or report without getting support.

"Want me to sit with you while you call?"

Two things to remember

Keep what they told you private. Sharing it with others, even out of concern, takes away the control they've just started to regain. Talk to them before making any report. Supporting someone can affect you too. The same support services are there for you.