Values

“I really want to get this assignment done on time (punctuality) but I need to take my grandmother to the doctor (care/responsibility)”. Being pulled between actions that connect with important values can be tricky to navigate. Acknowledge the conflict, ask for advice from someone you trust and be realistic about what we can achieve. Being open about the conflict can also help us see it from another perspective and lead us to come up with a “good enough” alternative.

When we are really busy “doing”, it can be hard to stop and think about “being”. Values can help to connect our sense of being with our action of doing but only if we start to think about it more deliberately.

If we don’t have a clear reason or belief that making this connection will be useful, we are unlikely to make any time to think about values. So why can values be important? When we are acting like the kind of people we want to be, we can often face challenges more effectively because our goals have meaning. Knowing and living by your values is a key feature of resilience. 

Ask yourself, “What was it about the situation that I valued?” What does this tell me about what I value more generally? How can you translate this into other actions you take? We need to know what we value if we are to base our decisions on it. A peak moments exercise is a great way of exploring values. 

Ask yourself, “on a scale of 1-10, how well does what I'm about to do match up with what’s important to me?” Matching our values and goals is like putting your foot into a good fitting shoe. It feels good and gives you strength to keep going. This can help us make difficult decisions and improve our prioritisation skills.

At the end of the day, reflect back and find an example of something you did that day that fit closely with your values. Notice how you feel when you act in line with your values. Some meditation exercises take you back through the day as a way of settling to sleep. You could make reflection something you do when brushing your teeth before bed and use it as a tool to develop gratitude and resilience.