Creating Friendships

Put yourself in environments where you come in contact with people. A great place to start is attending all your tutorials and lectures. This way you are seen and people are more likely to recognise you. This familiarity can then make it that bit easier to smile and say 'hello'. To broaden the type of friendships that you have, consider joining clubs, classes or sports that interest you, rather than sticking to the places where your friends normally spend time. If circumstances don't allow you to attend in person, attending virtually can be just as useful when trying to make new connections.

Acknowledge that while you may not feel comfortable putting yourself out there, it won't hurt you. Challenge yourself knowing that others don’t view shyness as something offensive! It is ok if you are someone who tends to be more introverted and operate better in small group environments than large ones. Aim to meet and socialise with others in these types of settings if you can. It can also help to think of speaking to new people as a skill to be developed. The more practice you get, the better and more confident you will become.  

Video - Start conversations with confidence

Is there hard evidence to support this idea? Has someone told you this explicitly? In most cases, it is the fear of someone not liking us that leads us to think this way. When we think in this way, we then might not make an effort to speak to other people, which means they don’t get a chance to know and like us!

If you have received some feedback that people aren't relating to you well, then it can be useful to reflect on your behaviour. A third party is useful to help you see what is going on. This could be someone you know well or trust, or an independent person that can help you explore what is happening.

Yes, it takes courage to get out there. Courage won't suddenly appear, it grows from practice. Bravery comes from action.

No one is guaranteed a 100% success rate at making friends. Not even people who you think make it look easy! The more you try, the higher the chances are that you will make new friends.

However, it is also important to read the situation. If someone is not reciprocating the same level of interest as you on repeated occasions, then don’t force it. Move on to developing friendships with others instead. If an approach isn’t working, try a different style of interacting and connecting with others.

If you are from another culture then consider joining social programs such as those run by the International Student Support service: Events.

If you need to have a difficult conversation with a friend, try to come from a position of kindness and respect. Emotionally charged topics can be really hard to talk about so it helps to keep your breathing in check. Pushing your feet into the ground helps bring you back to the moment and provides an opportunity to change tack. Using "I" statements is a good way to share how you feel. Asking to pause or take time out can also help you manage your feelings if you start to feel really angry or upset. For more ideas and tips, check out the 6 steps from Reach Out or the navigating respectful discussion blog through TalkCampus.

If you are looking to connect more regularly with people more generally or want to show a friend you care, there are lots of 'acts of kindness' that help brighten someones day. Simple acts can make others feel good and the bonus is that it makes you feel good. These 'acts' can be anything that selflessly offers support or assistance to someone else. Ideas might include:

• Smile at someone
• Pick up shopping for someone who is stuck at home
• Message a friend and let them know you're thinking about them
• Send a card to a friend with a nice message
• Leave a partially used parking ticket in the machine for someone else to use
• Stop a lift so someone can get in
• Share your umbrella with someone
• Let someone into traffic
• Practise acts of kindness to strangers  

If you notice that you are doing the talking the majority of the time when with people, consider asking others some open-ended questions (i.e. questions that don't simply require a yes/no response but need at least a sentence to answer). For example, instead of saying, "Was your weekend good?" try, "What did you get up to on the weekend?" Listening tells the other person that they are valued and important to you.