Ouch

Every now and then, things feel really bad. In general it goes something like this. There’s something I’ve put a lot into. A person, an activity, a job, an investment, it could be anything. Whatever it is, I’ve put a lot of time, emotion or energy into it. I have this idea of how things are going to go. Except that’s not how things go at all.

The economic investment backfires and there’s less than there was before, you realise the person you care about doesn’t care back, you feel like you really suck at the thing you wanted to be good at. There’s this feeling of pain and defeat. An “ouch” kind of feeling. Like there’s some kind of stabbing pain in my chest.

This isn’t a really positive topic to talk about, but I’m hoping it’s reassuring to know that it’s something that other people commonly face. I think it’s on my mind because a couple of things have been making me feel this way. They’re not major things, just little things that aren’t what I’d expected/hoped for. For example, my study this semester hasn’t been the perfect record I wanted it to, and I still don't know where my life is headed after university.

I feel like things aren’t going the way I expected, and I just don’t know what to do. I think it’s like if someone you had a crush on told you they didn’t really care for you. How should you deal with that? It feels like there’s no way to solve it?

For my study, I’ve found it helpful to acknowledge that I’m in the situation that I’m in now and accept that. It’s not what I want, and I’m letting myself be sad about that, but I can't change the past. I’m also thinking about what I can do to get from where I am now to somewhere better. I'm going to remember this next time I'm in a similar situation.

I'm going to get knocked back a lot, but I can't let that stop me from moving on.