Starting to find some confidence

I made the realisation the other day that I am beginning to feel more confident in both my PhD and work life.

I feel I am beginning to emerge from that early period when you are just learning the ropes of something, where everything is uncertain and feel like you don’t know anything, or, more acutely, you feel like you don’t have anything valuable to add.

I should add that when it comes to my PhD, I very much still have that sensation that the more I read into or study my topic, the less clear it becomes or the further away I feel from any concrete answers or conclusions.

But, through discussions with other students and some chats with academics, I am learning that that is completely normal and indeed, as one tutor reassured me, if that isn’t happening you aren’t asking good enough questions in your research.

When it comes to PhD thesis 80,000 words long, not to mention the professional development requirements and efforts to publish and establish myself in my chosen field, I still have a hell of a long way to go. But it is nice to know I am, at least for now, on the right track.

When it comes to work, I am finding that I understand the ways of the office, the structures of the workplace and what is required of me. This is not only a relief, but quite exciting.

It is nice to know that I can make some contribution and that motivates me to give my absolute all. I am also finding that what I am writing about in my PhD is relevant, at least as background context, to my work – something which I know isn’t always the case for PhD students who do some paid work.

I think this has given me additional confidence in both fields – the academic side giving me an understanding of the underlying forces and trends shaping my field (in my instance politics), and working for a practitioner giving me an insight into how those actually practicing politics are conceiving of these ideas.