Self-care reminders for student-parents (aka finishing the marathon)
In a recent job letter, I wrote, ‘completed PhD while parenting three children and working part-time’. Ergo, I eat conflicting deadlines, a busy workload, and high pressure for dinner.
I know several student-parents in my school, the School of Psychology, and I wondered whether there is any existing information about how many are currently enrolled throughout university. The above is quoted from a friend of mine who is finishing up his HDR program, a PhD student-parent like me. Other parents in my cohort agree that it takes a whole lot of guts and perseverance (and coffee) to successfully walk out with a diploma in your hand. Most of the student-parents I know are enrolled in postgraduate courses, but I’m sure there is a good chance that there would be some mature-aged students coming to university to study an undergraduate course. Some of my friends who are raising children have also come back to university to prepare for a career change. I enquired with the Planning and Analytics team and currently there aren’t statistics on student-parents — naturally we don’t usually ask enrolling students whether they are looking after offspring or not.
In 2018, the Grattan Institute released a background paper reporting on university attrition and found that family responsibilities as well as work commitments and other opportunities were among some of the usual reasons students decide to leave university without completing their degree. Commonly, these are unforeseen changes in circumstances which make earning the diploma less of a priority. Add on to all of this, adjusting to the next normal in the year of the coronavirus pandemic. Still, outside of attrition reports and beyond the toilet paper panic, there is a significant number of those students who persist and push through. For those of you who are dedicating each day to your little one as you persevere through study and work, here are a few testimonies from other student-parents, and below are some of their suggestions as you work on the daily grind of studying, working, and parenting.
Finished and submitted a grant application while taking care of my one-year-old (childcare closed)—I’d count that as a very successful day. Remember to be realistic with how much time you can really manage. Set-up small, specific, and achievable goals such as, respond to three top-priority emails, write the rough draft of the manuscript abstract, read one paper, and so on. I write my tasks out on an app, but previously I would write each one on a post-it note, giving myself a buffet of tasks to choose from for when naps or calm times are happening. It’s a mini accomplishment every time I am able to chuck one of the post-it notes in the bin. Some days I could do just a few, but just one was still productivity!
Happy 7th birthday to this little girl of mine! She made me the scientist I am today. Halfway through my PhD she arrived, teaching me patience, empathy, and most of all the lesson of grace. My kids are part of my academic success, not success despite having them. How truly inspirational, right? Find your sources of support and also look for the other student-parents in your School or Faculty and draw strength from each other. Together we will survive the chaos! Connecting with other student-parents can help each of us share information, whether it’s assessment due dates or avoiding mistakes like missing out on a pre-requisite course you need to take or extra funding available from your Faculty.
We’re juggling a lot of balls right now, sometimes we just have to protect the glass ones and let the others bounce. You’ve heard of this one before, and as cliché as it may sound, it is so very important: be kind to yourself. ‘You cannot pour from an empty cup’, so even if it’s just ten minutes, find the time to do something that you enjoy, recharges you, or relaxes you. Maybe just a ten-minute yoga session from YouTube? A coffee catch-up with a friend or colleague? A nap? Sometimes what it really takes to be able to ‘balance’ study, work, and life is:
- A supportive tribe — In the US last year, it was estimated that half of student-parents raise their kids on their own and that the number of solo parents is growing. So, if you don’t have a supportive partner, reach out and foster those family and friends, and remember that sometimes it takes a village to raise a child;
- Making use of technology — Click and collect groceries, sharing calendars with family and friends who can help look after your little one, using Twitter and LinkedIn to grow your academic and professional networks, and so on; and
- Using your calendar — both so you can keep track of how you’re working incredibly hard (set reminders, meetings, and deadlines) but also so that you can carve out time for yourself. Stop and smell the beautiful baby smell, they’ll grow up faster than you think.