Hiding behind IDK
Why do we say “I don’t know” after spilling our hearts out?
In her song Stoned at the Nail Salon, Lorde spends about a minute each verse contemplating about the things that have been plaguing her mind. She expresses, primarily and with much melancholy, her fear of missing out on bigger things following her decision to move back to New Zealand; wondering if she’s made the right choice. She tells us she’s lonely and she’s insecure but after about two minutes of confessing her thoughts, she swiftly dismisses her soul-baring confessions with a simple “I don’t know”.
I’m sure you’ve been in this situation too. I know a friend and I have. We’re both in our final year, so like many other final year students, we were talking at great lengths about the future and after dissecting our worries and aspirations, we both just sighed and said, “I don’t know”, at once putting an end to the topic and palliating the weight it clearly has over us.
The phrase “I don’t know” can mean so much more than just not knowing or being unsure of something. Like Lorde, it can harbour something much deeper than that; something that we do know very well but choose to conceal its gravity for whatever reason.
Maybe it’s because we’re scared of being vulnerable. Maybe that’s because we’re used to perceiving vulnerability as a sign of weakness, so when we catch ourselves fitting our hearts too much on our sleeves, we quickly shrug it off with an “I don’t know” – a sorry attempt at downplaying whatever it is we’re feeling to appear nonchalant about it.
Maybe we try so hard to curb our vulnerabilities because we’re scared of being perceived as anything less than perfect, as if going through the ups and downs of life is not an inherent human experience. I think the internet might be somewhat responsible for this. Everyone always looks so put together and happy on social media, making me wonder sometimes if it’s weird that I don’t have my life together at 22 or that I’m not particularly in the brightest of mood today.
Another reason why we might say “I don’t know” when deep down we’re actually certain about it is probably because we’re afraid to acknowledge those thoughts and feelings because by admitting them, they become real. We’re in denial, basically.
There might be heaps of other reasons why you might finish your sentence with an IDK. Whatever that might be, I think it's important to remember that your feelings and thoughts are valid. Sure, it may seem scary to be vulnerable but it's not a something that makes you weak. If anything, I command those who are brave enough to speak their truth.