It’s cool to be different! (but don’t forget to be the same)

We all want to stand out for something. Be the best at a particular thing. Have something that we’re known for. We want something to differentiate us, so in that sense we want to be different. On the other hand, we also want to fit in, be part of the group, be like everyone else. So in that way, we want to be the same. It’s a bit of a paradox.

Being different is cool, but If you’re different in the wrong kind of way that’s not so cool. If you don’t get the mixture just right, then you run the risk of being the “weird kid”.

I think I have found it one of the most infuriating things to watch people paying lip-service to acceptance while not accepting people. I wish that was never true of me, but honestly sometimes I think I’ve been part of it. We puff ourselves up and say stuff like “I value the acceptance of all people.” Then we have little conversations like: “What do you think of Luke?” “He’s such a loser!”

I don’t feel like we should ever treat people like that, but it seems to happen so much in groups of people. I kind of thought this issue would stop after high school. I don’t think that anymore. I still see it now, and I’m sure it will still happen in the retirement home. It’s like we’re addicted to posturing and pushing people down, putting someone at the bottom of the pecking order.

I think people have a lot of trouble accepting and valuing people for their differences. I’ve heard a saying “just because you’re unique doesn’t mean you're useful”. It’s true that sometimes we might be different in a way that isn’t useful. I’ve never bothered learning how to do the bunny-rabbit method of shoe-lace tying. That’s not a useful point of difference.

Even though a difference might not be useful, it’s no excuse to bully someone. Casting someone as a freak show for their differences or even their weaknesses is a cruel and evil thing to do.

This relates to me in two ways. The first way is that I could do a better job of appreciating what people bring to the table. I’ve realised I need to accept people’s differences, no matter what they may be (while obviously voicing disagreement respectfully where sensible and reporting criminal activity).

The other way this relates to me is that I feel like I’m different. I’m not just fashionably different either, a lot of the time the ways I’m different seem to make me less popular. I don’t always think like everyone else, or communicate like everyone else. For some people I guess I might be the “weird kid”.

It’s hard, but I think I can own that. Some of my differences are my greatest strengths. I don’t need to manufacture being more the same or more different. If I live out these things with confidence then maybe that’s a way to be true to all my statements of valuing and accepting others.