Being comfortable with doing nothing

I often find that I like to keep busy. Even though I often complain about being busy, I find having something to do a welcome distraction.

It gives me a goal. It gives me purpose.

I recently found myself free one day with nothing to do. No work, no cleaning, no washing, no assignments due, no club activities, just me, myself and I and the constant chatter that goes on inside my head. At first, I sat there for a moment and didn’t know what to do. Watch a movie? Scroll through my phone? Cook something? Go for a walk? It worried me that I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do. In many ways it felt like I had forgotten how to be myself.

I couldn't think of how to find something that I wanted to do. I needed an activity that didn't have a deadline or a workload to keep me busy and help the time pass. For a moment, even my social media feed was quiet. The feeling was oddly calming and anxiety inducing at the same time. I thought for a while and narrowed it down to two things. I like cooking (and most of all eating) and I like being outside.

So,

Option 1: cook something.

Option 2: go to the beach.

I decided on the beach. It was great weather, outdoors and always makes me feel better than before I went. Once I had decided, it was hard to find the motivation to go. I felt almost guilty to be indulging myself in a brief period of freedom. Worst of all, I felt almost anxious about missing something. A phone call, important emails, a new opportunity.

So, I decided to leave my phone at home and grabbed a hat and a towel. For now, all my worries or anxieties can wait.