Should I have said that?

Anxiety can often manifest into overthinking conversations and regretting things you said.

Sometimes, I will craft a whole conversation with someone in my head before it ever happens. In my head, I’m much wittier, much kinder, and much more interesting. I would assume this type of daydreaming happens to the best of us. But what happens if you are nitpicking what was said in a conversation after it happens? When you are left questioning, why did I say that?

It is not uncommon to replay your conversation with a friend or stranger, but anxiety can often tell you that what you said could have offended them or was the inappropriate thing to say. It can send me into a spiral, even if, thinking rationally, my comment would never be considered by that other person again.

This is an overwhelming experience, as it means you get to the extent where you almost wish to say nothing unless to your closest friends, for the fear of this anxiety flooding you after. How is it best to deal with this situation?

Often, I rely on reassurance from people around me. Do you think this person would hate me because I said that? Do you think that came out wrong? But catastrophising the situation can only amplify it sometimes, and it can get quite annoying to constantly seek this reassurance from others around you. If the person I spoke to is someone I know, it can help to just message them later and say ‘I’m sorry if that came out this way, it didn’t mean to’! This can calm it fast. But, I am weary to do this only when they are a good friend of mine.

Another way to help is distracting yourself. Sometimes these thoughts can cloud my head so much that the only way to get them out is to add some much nicer thoughts. Reading a book, watching a show, or hanging out with loved ones (and putting away my phone) can assist with overthinking.

As hard as it is, I am learning to have more self-compassion. It is a waste of time to beat yourself up about something that probably did not affect someone else’s day in any significant way. Finally, the best method to deal with overthinking past conversations is to seek professional help who can give you good advice on how to tackle this overwhelming mindset.