On being excluded

Often, anxiety can manifest into feeling left out of a group.

Apparently, three's a crowd. But this formula can apply to even larger groups on some days. Because it can feel like everyone is having a conversation and you're not really part of it, or there is an established dynamic that you are excluded from being involved in. It can feel like everyone is referring to things that you have no knowledge on, or talking about topics that you feel a bit isolated from.

For me, this can happen with groups of new people (and I think this must be a fairly common feeling), but when my anxiety is particularly bad, it can even occur around close friends. Why is this? And can it go away? 

I am coming to terms with the fact that this is often less about how your friends are making you feel (the conversations may not be any different than usual, or the dynamic exactly the same!), but more so about how your anxiety is making you feel. When my anxiety gets to me, everything that is usually fun and easy can seem scary and difficult. Including, being in a crowd of people that you would typically feel excluded in. 

So how can you reduce the feeling of exclusion? 

The obvious solution is to limit the stressful situations of large groups of people if you feel that your anxiety is going to make you read into a perfectly fine situation. However, this can be difficult to completely avoid, when you work, study, and socialise. It is not always the best solution either, because we need social interaction to sustain us, especially for us extroverts out there! 

For one, reducing the contributing factors to your anxiety can help you feel more present amongst your friends. Coffee, to me, as much as I love it, can make me shaky and on-edge. It definitely does not help with socialising; it makes me hyper-alert and nervous. Therefore, I am learning to have less coffee if I know I will be hanging out in a group.

Another thing that helps for me is to let your friends know (because, they're your friends!) straight away that your anxiety is not having the best day. With that in mind, they are more aware of including you, and making sure that you feel okay. 

But mainly, you have to remind yourself that you're not excluded. There is a reason that you have been included in a group of family members, friends, or colleagues, and that is: you are meant to be there! Perhaps sometimes the conversation feels tiring, or perhaps sometimes you feel that you do not completely fit in, but if you were invited to be there, enjoy it!