Am I good enough?

Perfectionism to me means thinking about all the things I could, and should be doing. Perfect grades, perfect sleep schedule, perfect exercise routine. The terrible thing about this, is that I feel so much pressure to do all these things perfectly, that I end up putting them off and procrastinating.

“This is really important” I tell myself. I start thinking about what I expect from myself. I want it to be the best version of this thing that anyone has ever seen, it needs to be pHD level researched, people need to be stunned by it. Except when it comes down to it, I don’t know if I can meet these expectations of myself. What if I can’t? What’s the point in doing this thing if it isn’t perfect? What if I’m just not good enough?

So I self sabotage, and don’t put time into the thing. When the thing has a deadline, it means that I don’t actually leave enough time to do my best, let alone do it perfectly. I guess the reason behind this is that even if my results aren’t perfect, at least I have an excuse. I can say that it would have been perfect if I’d only put more time into it. While I can live with being a procrastinator, I’m terrified of putting as much work as I can into something and still falling short.

I don’t want to have my potential capped by this way of thinking. If I keep living life like this I’ll never know what I could have been capable of if I just put effort into things. I’m not going to be perfect, I know that. Something is better than nothing though. Maybe I will be the most pathetic person who has ever exercised, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it. Maybe I’ll get the lowest grade in the class, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t put effort into an assignment. Maybe I’ll never end up getting a full 8 hours every night, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t sleep.

I like having high standards, but I think sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be perfect, instead of just doing my best.