License to kill

I am currently on my L2 license. I have lost count of how many hours of driving I have done. I have had my L2 license for over two years and attempted and failed my P1’s test five times. This makes me think that driving assessors must view my driving license as a license to kill in my hands. This doesn’t make me cool like James Bond, just a 20-year-old without a license.

The mere thought of attempting my license for a sixth time gives me a dry lump in my throat and I break out in sweats. I hate it. Although I’m quite comfortable behind the wheel and not a half-bad driver in my own opinion, as soon as I enter the assessment, I’m my own worst enemy.

The self-doubt starts coming. My heart pounds in my chest and I just wish it to be over. I make rash pressured decisions and ignore obvious details I wouldn’t normally miss. They say it gets easier but, in my opinion, I have found it increasingly hard. After each attempt the pressure just seems to be mounting. Each time it’s another ninety or so dollars less in my bank account and another round of jokes from my family.

However, one way to see it is a lesson in resilience (albeit an expensive, anxiety inducing one). I have had a handful of lessons, driven in every road condition possible, invested hundreds of dollars and mastered both automatic and manual. Now I just have to overcome my greatest obstacle, my silly ol’ noggen. I’ve tried breathing, eating bananas before a test and my license still evades me. So, hopefully after my sixth attempt I will have some good news and I will not have just attained my license but also some confidence in myself. Until then, I’m still reliant on Mum and public transport.