Ch-ch-changes

Some things I want to tell my 15-year-old self.

As the seasons change and turtlenecks are swapped for t-shirts, I’ve noticed that I’ve been going through changes too. In particular, when I look back at the person I once was when I was 13. Of course, I haven’t changed that much – I’m still the girl with undyed hair, a bad habit for biting her nails when she’s nervous and a love for cheesecakes. If Elon Musk were to ever invent a time machine, here’s a couple of things I’d like to update my younger self on.

1. You didn’t get straight A’s for your PT3 (to my non-Malaysian readers, that’s an exam you take to determine which stream you’ll get into in your final years of high school – science or arts) but before you freak out, I’m letting you know that things worked out in the end. It’s not the end of the world like everyone says it would be. You had multiple chances to pick yourself back up – which you did – and now you’re studying in Adelaide!!!

2. You’re probably wondering then why I was addressing these ‘readers’ and who they are. Well, remember all those unfinished notebooks and hours spent documenting the mundane parts of your life on Blogspot? Yeah, all of that paid off because not only do you get to do the thing you love but you’re also securing the bag from writing every week. How cool is that?

3. This one’s going to come as a shocker: You’re not scared to talk to people anymore! WHAT?? OK well, you’re still a little awkward and shy at times but you’ve gotten used to hyping yourself up to strike up conversations with people. So don’t feel bad about hiding in the kitchen when guests are over. It’s such a normal response to feel shy around those whom you’re not quite acquainted with anyway. 

4. This next one’s a bigger shock. You’ll be living in the middle of a pandemic soon and spend your first semester of uni online. Pro tip: As soon as they announce that there’ll be a lockdown, run to Coles and grab some toilet paper as fast as you can. You won’t understand the significance of it yet but trust me, you don’t want to let this advice slide over your head.

5. You’ll think that you’ll get used to studying abroad almost immediately but truth is, that feeling of loneliness and longing for home doesn’t quite leave you. Of course, you’ll adjust to life here and meet wonderful people whom you will call your friends but that sense of loneliness will creep in here and there. It’s normal to feel that way though, and lots of other people go through the same thing too. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need someone to talk to.

Sometimes it feels as though you’re standing still while everything around you changes but really, you’re going through changes too. Sometimes, coming to that realisation can be pretty daunting. You wake up one day and suddenly your legs aren’t dangling off the chair anymore and you’re doing groceries on your own. It’s bittersweet like the song Ribs by Lorde. 

So if you could go back in time, what would you tell your younger self?