Boys don’t cry?

Content warning: Please note the following blog mentions suicide. Please be mindful if this is a difficult topic for you.

We’ve all seen it before—a male character in a movie, ashamedly dismissing his tears with, “I’m not crying, I just have something in my eye.” It may get a cheap laugh, but beyond the humour, it reflects how, as a society, we view masculinity.

Cultural Conditioning

Why is it, even today, an open display of emotions by men is still seen as unmanly? From a young age boys are often taught that crying is a sign of weakness, just as girls are often told they must always be nice. This conditioning is often reinforced by family, peers and the media. Countless movies have male protagonists who, despite going through emotional turmoil, struggle to muster up the strength to shed a single tear. Fewer movies show men openly crying – especially around other men, where the default emotional response is generally repression, violence or vengeance. Interestingly, male characters are more likely to genuinely cry in the presence of women - like when their daughter gets married - but at their son’s wedding remain stoic.

Questioning the narrative

Just as it is absurd to expect girls to be nice, it’s time to shift the narrative away from the stereotypical stoic emotional suppression associated with males. We need to stop associating crying as a sign of weakness and reframe it as a display of strength. A great example of this reframing in pop culture comes from J.R.R Tolkien, whose message of healthy masculinity is echoed in The Lord of the Rings film adaptation, where men are given the space to openly display their emotions and cry without shame.

I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.J.R.R. Tolkien

This flipping of the narrative isn’t just about changing cultural norms – it’s about promoting better mental health. Studies have shown that there are numerous benefits to crying, including reducing stress, shedding stress hormones and restoring emotional balance. By normalising these emotional responses we can help in creating a more balanced and healthier emotional understanding for all.

The Cost of Silence

However, the sad reality is that many men are still confined to outdated gender roles where emotional repression is the norm. This repression can come at a cost, leading to heightened levels of anxiety, depression, and in extreme cases, suicide.  In Australia, suicide is the biggest killer in the 15-44 age bracket for males and females, with men three times more likely to commit suicide than women.

This R U OK? Day allows us a great opportunity to start questioning the stereotype that ‘boys don’t cry’. We can be more mindful of how masculinity is portrayed in the media, and start encouraging men to express their emotions – without shame or judgement. A lot of this change needs to be led by males themselves – stop punching down on one another for showing vulnerability, it’s OK for you to have a tear in your eye! By redefining masculinity as the strength to embrace and display emotions, we not only help men but also help in creating a more accepting and open society.

The University of Adelaide offers free Counselling Support to current students. Further information to support your health and wellbeing can be found at the Wellbeing Hub.