My mid-semester paper doesn’t exist in front of the fire

I think one of my greatest refuge places is to sit in front of a fire. I grew up in the Adelaide Hills where fireplaces and bonfires were really common, so there’s a sentimental aspect to it. Watching the flickering flames and hearing the crackling of the wood is just a really tranquil place for me. It’s a place where day to day troubles don’t exist, it’s just me and the fire I’m watching.

I believe it’s really important to mental health to have these “fireplace moments”, where there is a break from the grind of work. Maybe that means sitting down with a cup of tea, playing a sport, video games, parties, movies. Wherever there is a pause on the burden of obligation, expectation and the risk of failure. Whatever place you can relax because there is nothing riding on your performance.

Thinking about these moments for me, I’ve realised a big problem. Lately I’ve been having too many fireplace moments, and I’ve been having a lot of trouble pulling myself out of them. I just never want these moments of peace to end. I don’t want to return to the obligations I am falling further and further behind in. If I don’t end the fireplace moments, then I don’t have to spend as much time failing to meet basic requirements.

I caught myself watching a video explaining the evolution of armour in medieval Europe. It struck me that this hour long video was essentially a lecture, so why wasn’t I watching an actual lecture? I think the reason is that the context of the video for me was that it was a way to relax, there was nothing riding on it. I wasn’t weighing myself down with expectations about how well I should understand all of the concepts, so what was essentially the same task felt like relaxation.

I’m usually doing something like this to relax just before I go to sleep, and I never want that to end. So I prolong it and don’t go to sleep, because the longer I spend in that moment, the more time I have before I have to do something stressful. When I wake up, lying in bed is a fireplace moment; and I don’t want that to end either. I just lie there because if I don’t get up, then I have more time before I have to deal with life.

This is essentially a very long winded explanation of procrastination, but framing it this way has been a bit of a revelation for me on why I personally procrastinate. I’m hoping this will help me to find a way to pull myself out of these moments when I need to. To borrow some words from Sascha, I know these moments deserve my time (just not all the time).