Self-compassion

I’ve had a research project that I’ve been involved with now for two years. The homestretch is in sight and I was tasked with presenting the paper to the team prior to its release.

I’ve been especially nervous about this presentation because:

1. I’ve grown passionate about the work and what it advocates for and
2. I’ve put so much work into it that I want it to be perfect.

You’ll see from my previous blog posts that I’ve written about procrastination before, but that doesn’t mean I’m now impervious to it. I’m fully aware that I’m still a master procrastinator, but it was only today that I realised how my skills at procrastinating have been honed by my perfectionist tendencies.

The great need for perfection in my presentation was physically stopping me from preparing for the presentation. I sat there just staring at the blank PowerPoint slide. Eventually, I did start. I placed graphs and charts and I prepared notes for myself. I even managed a short practice run-through on the day I was to present to the team. 

I'd say I did okay, but it wasn’t my best. I could have done better. Why didn’t I? Because I could have prepared earlier? I could have practiced more? Instead, I am blaming it on not having enough time. What if I poured everything in and did my absolute best and my performance was still ‘meh’? In essence, by procrastinating, I could blame my sub-par performance on time management instead of being vulnerable and honest in accepting imperfection. Equally, what if I poured everything in and my performance was stellar? What if I gave my best every time regardless of the outcome? I think this last question would ultimately lead me to feel calmer which usually is the common ingredient in all of my best presentations. If I give it my all in preparation, showed myself kindness, and focused on the content, it would help me worry less and not feel as nervous. Really, it’s usually the nerves that get in my way.

From now on, like Brene Brown, I will strive to be a ‘good enoughist’.

Today I am going to believe that showing up is enough.Brene Brown

*Cultivating self-compassion: letting go of perfectionism. *This is part of a blog series from my reflections during Mental Health Awareness Month and integrating the guideposts from Brene Brown’s book, the Gifts of Imperfections in my HDR experience.

For more tips on tackling procrastination and perfectionism, check out the Wellbeing Hub.