R U OK?

'There's more to say after R U OK?'

2020 has been a challenging year for everyone and circumstances have made it even more important for us all to stay connected and, for those who are able, be willing to support those around us. In the lead-up to R U OK?Day we’ll help Australians know what to say when someone says they’re not OK and guide them through how they can continue a conversation that could change a life.
 
You don’t have to be an expert to keep the conversation going when someone says they’re not OK. By knowing what to say you can help someone feel supported and access appropriate help long before they’re in crisis, which can make a really positive difference to their life.
 
Learn what to say after R U OK? and download FREE resources for tips and ideas to help you share the message in your community.
 
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A conversation can change a life

R U OK? inspire and empower everyone to meaningfully connect with the  people around them and start a conversation with anyone who may be struggling with life.
 
You don't need to be an expert to reach out - just a good friend and a great listener. 
 

Use these four steps and have a conversation that could change a life

  • 1. Ask R U OK?
    • Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach. 
    • Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What’s been happening?"  
    • Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?" 

    IF

    • If they don’t want to talk, don’t criticise them. 
    • Tell them you’re still concerned about changes in their behaviour and you care about them. 
    • Avoid a confrontation. 
    • You could say: “Please call me if you ever want to chat” or “Is there someone else you’d rather talk to?” 

  • 2. Listen with an open mind
    • Take what they say seriously and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.
    • Don’t judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
    • If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence.
    • Encourage them to explain: "How are you feeling about that?" or "How long have you felt that way?"
    • Show that you've listened by repeating back what you’ve heard (in your own words) and ask if you have understood them properly.

  • 3. Encourage action
    • Ask: “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
    • Ask: “How would you like me to support you?"
    • Ask: “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
    • You could say: "When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this... You might find it useful too."
    • If they've been feeling really down for more than 2 weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to.”
    • Be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times. 

    IF THEY NEED EXPERT HELP

    Some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. If someone’s been really low for more than 2 weeks - or is at risk - please contact a professional as soon as you can.

    The University of Adelaide's EAP offers counselling to staff and their immediate families.

  • 4. Check in
    • Pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're really struggling, follow up with them sooner.
    • You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."
    • Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
    • Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference. 

More resources

Further information

Please contact your local HSW team.